


gladiolus

by cheolhie (orphan_account)



Category: SHINee
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Poetry, Suicide, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 05:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13381254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/cheolhie
Summary: kibum: hey jjongkibum: i went to see you today, with taeminkibum: he took you some pretty flowers, i think they’re called “gladiolus”kibum: did you know they represent healing?





	gladiolus

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know how to cope with feelings so i write. this could have been better, but i'm still sad and still mourning. jonghyun was my shinee bias and i've been listening to shinee for over a year.

22/12/17

20:14

**kibum:** hey jjong  
 **kibum:** it’s been a while since i last spoke to you  
 **kibum:** i went to see you today, with taemin  
 **kibum:** he took you some pretty flowers, i think they’re called “gladiolus”  
 **kibum:** did you know they represent healing?  
 **kibum:** their name comes from gladiators, who fought for their freedom  
 **kibum:** i hope you like them, they’re a soft pink  
 **kibum:** remember when you had pink hair? i miss that haha  
 **kibum:** it’s getting late, i’ll be going to bed now! you sleep well too!

_messages failed to send_

23:29

**kibum:** i fucking hate you  
 **kibum:** i hate you so fucking much  
 **kibum:** you fucking asshole why the fuck did you fucking do this?  
 **kibum:** you said forever  
 **kibum:** for fucking ever  
 **kibum:** you said everything would get better, even though you knew it wouldn’t  
 **kibum:** what kind of fucking person are you?  
 **kibum:** you lying bastard  
 **kibum:** it fucking hurt us  
 **kibum:** minho fucking collapsed, they had to take him away on a fucking stretcher  
 **kibum:** selfish asshole

_messages failed to send_

22/12/17

20:14

**kibum:** hey  
 **kibum:** i saw jinki for the first time in a while today  
 **kibum:** he told me he misses you a lot and he'll see you again one day !!  
 **kibum:** i miss you a lot too, we all do, but we'll all be together again soon  
 **kibum:** i see that you're in the moon tonight, too  
 **kibum:** aqua's a very pretty colour, it suits you  
 **kibum:** can i write a song about you, jjong? i don't know how to express my feelings but i hope you'd be okay with it.  
 **kibum:** i don't think i'd share it with anyone, i just want something between you and me  
 **kibum:** sleep well though, it's late  
 **kibum:** goodnight .• °. * °.

_messages failed to send_

01/01/18

10:54

**kibum:** i've been so busy lately, i'm sorry i haven't checked in on you  
 **kibum:** happy new year, though. the four of us got together and spent the night in, just relaxing and talking. we spoke about you, i hope you don't mind. it wasn't bad; never bad about you  
 **kibum:** we all miss you, and we spoke of where we'll go next. jinki had a breakdown, he's rather stressed at the moment  
 **kibum:** but it's okay, i'm sure he'll be okay. he's strong and we're looking out for him !  
 **kibum:** i have to go, but i'll check in again later, stay safe until then  <3

_messages failed to send_

01/01/18

15:06

**kibum:** i need to tell you something, and i wish i had said it earlier because a selfish part of me likes to think it would've changed your mind  
 **kibum:** i've spent years dwelling on something so stupid and it's killing me  
 **kibum:** but i… love you  
 **kibum:** and i'm trying so hard to stay together for everyone around me but i'm crumbling because the person i filled my heart with has taken it by stopping theirs  
 **kibum:** i don't know when it started. maybe it was when i first laid my eyes on you. your smile, oh god your smile. it was contagious and i remember smiling back at you and feeling so embarrassed because i had a crooked tooth  
 **kibum:** and then you spoke and your voice was so perfect and god i wanted to hear it every second of the day. the first time you said my name i choked up because i couldn't believe you'd paid any attention to me  
 **kibum:** the first time i heard you sing i went to the dorm and cried because it was so powerful and so full of emotion and that's never changed  
 **kibum:** i've known you for so long and your voice has always been so emotional and it's never failed to move me to tears. your passion shines through and everything you do is so powerful and meaningful and i love you so much because you're so human  
 **kibum:** you're so human and so real  
 **kibum:** i love you kim jonghyun, and i will until the day i die

_messages failed to send_

10/01/18

04:47

**kibum:** it's been a long time  
 **kibum:** honestly, i was nervous you wouldn't want to hear from me again  
 **kibum:** i've been thinking a lot  
 **kibum:** maybe too much  
 **kibum:** i got drunk one night and told taemin some bad stuff  
 **kibum:** he's spoken to a therapist and now i'm on “suicide watch”  
 **kibum:** so the other's constantly have their eye on me  
 **kibum:** and i'm not allowed to shut any doors when i go into different rooms  
 **kibum:** someone has to monitor me when i shave my face and stuff  
 **kibum:** it really sucks  
 **kibum:** anyways, i hope you're doing okay  
 **kibum:** i love you

_messages failed to send_

14/01/18

23:03

**kibum:** i don't know what to do  
 **kibum:** they say the first year after loss is the hardest and it is  
 **kibum:** it's so hard  
 **kibum:** you know how emotional and sensitive i am  
 **kibum:** it's getting too much for me and i can feel my foundations crumbling  
 **kibum:** i'm trying to build these walls and block everything out but it's so hard when i'm never alone anymore  
 **kibum:** i got into a fight the other night with jinki  
 **kibum:** i haven't let anyone go onto your side of our dorm room yet, but he doesn't want me sleeping alone  
 **kibum:** so he's gone and washed all of your bedding and tidied up your things  
 **kibum:** and nothing smells like you anymore and it's cold and i miss it so much  
 **kibum:** it was the only thing i was holding on to  
 **kibum:** it made me feel like you were here, like we were still lying together in the same room  
 **kibum:** things will never get better  
 **kibum:** i'm holding everything in and i'm only going to explode  
 **kibum:** i love you, kim jonghyun. i love you to that aqua moon and back. i love you and everything you've done. i love every smile you've ever smiled, and every word that's passed out from between your lips. i love your music and your passion. i love you, and i miss you, and i hope to see you soon. i'm alone, and i don't want it to be too obvious, but i am alone, and it hurts.  
 **kibum:** it hurts a lot.

_messages failed to send_


End file.
